Are We Getting Too Good at Avoiding Discomfort?
Bored? Scroll. Lonely? Text someone. Anxious? Search. Uncomfortable? Distract yourself.
We live in a world that makes it remarkably easy to escape uncomfortable feelings.
Your phone is always within reach. Entertainment is available instantly. Answers to almost any question are a search away. You can use technology to organize your thoughts, communicate with people, learn something new, or even talk through a difficult situation.
None of that is inherently bad.
In fact, technology can be incredibly useful.
But there is a more interesting psychological question worth asking:
What happens when we become so good at escaping discomfort that we rarely practice experiencing it?
Psychologists sometimes use the term experiential avoidance to describe attempts to avoid, suppress, or change unwanted thoughts, emotions, sensations, or experiences.
A recent 2026 article in Psychology Today, “Experiential Avoidance Is Stealing Your Joy,” describes experiential avoidance as the effort to avoid “a naturally occurring discomfort” and explains how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) approaches the problem differently: difficult experiences are not necessarily obstacles to a meaningful life—they are often part of one.
The problem isn't that we want to feel better.
Wanting relief is completely human.
The problem can arise when avoiding discomfort becomes our primary way of responding to it.
And in a world built around instant distraction, that pattern can be surprisingly easy to develop.
What Is Experiential Avoidance?
Experiential avoidance is essentially an attempt to get away from an internal experience we don't want to have.
That might mean avoiding:
Anxiety
Embarrassment
Loneliness
Uncertainty
Sadness
Boredom
Conflict
Shame
Difficult thoughts
Uncomfortable physical sensations
The behavior doesn't always look dramatic.
Sometimes avoidance looks like canceling plans.
Sometimes it looks like putting off an important email.
Sometimes it means never having the difficult conversation.
And sometimes it looks completely harmless:
You feel uncomfortable, so you pick up your phone.
The important distinction is that the behavior itself isn't necessarily the problem.
Watching television isn't inherently avoidance.
Using social media isn't inherently avoidance.
Using AI isn't inherently avoidance.
Even leaving a difficult situation isn't necessarily avoidance.
What matters is what role the behavior is playing.
Are you choosing an activity because you genuinely want to do it?
Or are you using it primarily to escape something happening internally?
That distinction can be surprisingly difficult to notice.
Why Avoidance Feels So Good
Here's the tricky part:
Avoidance works.
At least temporarily.
Imagine you receive a text from someone you need to have a difficult conversation with.
You see the notification.
Your stomach drops.
You don't respond.
Immediately, the anxiety decreases.
That feels good.
So your brain learns something:
“Not responding made that feeling go away.”
The next time something similar happens, you're more likely to avoid it again.
This is one reason avoidance can become a self-reinforcing cycle.
A recent Psychology Today article, “Avoidance Is Anxiety's Very Best Friend,” explains the cycle directly, noting that “avoidance reduces anxiety in the short-term but increases anxiety in the long-term.”
The cycle can look like this:
Discomfort → Avoidance → Immediate Relief → More Avoidance
Eventually, the thing you're avoiding may feel even more threatening because you haven't had the opportunity to discover that you can actually handle it.
This doesn't mean every uncomfortable situation should be confronted.
Some situations genuinely are unsafe, unhealthy, or not worth engaging with.
But when avoidance becomes the automatic response to ordinary emotional discomfort, it can begin to shrink your world.
Your Phone Isn't the Problem
It's tempting to turn this into another article about how smartphones are ruining our brains.
That's not what we're suggesting.
Technology is a tool.
The same phone can help you call a friend, learn something important, find a therapist, navigate a new city, or spend three hours mindlessly scrolling.
The difference is often why you're reaching for it.
Consider these two situations:
“I'm watching a show because I want to relax.”
versus:
“I'm watching a show because I don't want to think about what happened today.”
Both involve watching television.
But psychologically, they may serve very different purposes.
The same is true of social media, texting, gaming, online shopping, podcasts, exercise, work, and even productivity.
Almost anything can become an avoidance strategy when its primary purpose becomes escaping an internal experience.
That's why asking “Is this activity good or bad?” isn't always the most useful question.
A better question might be:
“What am I using this activity to do?”
Boredom Isn't Necessarily a Problem to Solve
Boredom deserves special attention because modern technology gives us almost unlimited ways to eliminate it.
Waiting in line? Phone.
Elevator? Phone.
Advertisement? Phone.
Five seconds without stimulation? Reach for the phone.
But there is an interesting psychological paradox here:
We may be using technology to escape boredom while simultaneously becoming less comfortable with being bored.
Research from the American Psychological Association offers an interesting perspective.
In a study summarized by the APA, researchers found that people who rapidly switched between online videos reported greater boredom than people who engaged with a single video. The researchers suggested that constantly switching between content can prevent people from becoming meaningfully engaged with what they're watching.
The APA summarized the finding with a simple observation: “Digital switching may be making boredom worse.”
That doesn't mean boredom is automatically good.
It means boredom may not always need an immediate solution.
A few minutes without stimulation can give your mind room to wander, reflect, make connections, or simply experience a lower level of stimulation.
You don't need to throw your phone away.
You don't need to spend an afternoon staring at a wall.
Instead, experiment with allowing yourself to experience a little boredom without immediately fixing it.
Notice what happens.
Avoidance Isn't the Same as Procrastination
These concepts are related, but they're not identical.
You might procrastinate because a task is boring, difficult, poorly defined, or simply not rewarding.
Avoidance is more specifically connected to escaping something uncomfortable or threatening.
For example:
Procrastination:
“I'll finish this report tomorrow because I don't feel like doing it today.”
Avoidance:
“I don't want to open this email because I'm afraid of what it might say.”
The distinction matters because the solution can be different.
If you're struggling with motivation, breaking a task into smaller pieces might help.
If you're avoiding something because it triggers anxiety, shame, fear, or uncertainty, simply becoming more productive may not address the underlying issue.
Avoidance can also become much more significant when anxiety is involved.
The National Institute of Mental Health explains that anxiety disorders can interfere with everyday activities such as work, school, and relationships, and that avoidance can become part of the problem.
The “Protect Your Peace” Problem
There's another modern version of avoidance worth considering.
We've become much more comfortable talking about boundaries.
And that's a good thing.
Healthy boundaries are important.
But sometimes “protecting my peace” can become a socially acceptable way of avoiding anything uncomfortable.
Not every difficult conversation is toxic.
Not every uncomfortable relationship needs to be cut off.
Not every disagreement means someone needs to be removed from your life.
Sometimes relationships require:
Honest conversations
Accountability
Apologies
Compromise
Vulnerability
Repair
And interestingly, new research suggests that we may sometimes avoid social interactions because we incorrectly assume they won't be worthwhile.
In April 2026, the American Psychological Association published a summary of research involving nine experiments and approximately 1,800 participants. Researchers found that people consistently underestimated how enjoyable conversations about seemingly boring topics would actually be.
One of the researchers, Elizabeth Trinh, explained:
“What really drives enjoyment is engagement.”
The research found that feeling heard, responding to one another, and discovering unexpected details about another person's life could make even mundane conversations meaningful.
That's an important reminder in a world where it's increasingly easy to avoid small moments of human interaction.
Sometimes the thing we're tempted to avoid is actually an opportunity for connection.
Technology Isn't the Villain
This distinction matters.
It's easy to turn conversations about mental health and technology into another list of things we're supposedly doing wrong.
That's not the point.
Technology can make life better.
It can make information more accessible.
It can help people communicate.
It can connect people who otherwise might never meet.
It can help someone learn more about their mental health or find professional support.
The question isn't: “Is technology good or bad?”
It's: “How am I using it?”
Try asking yourself:
Am I using this because I genuinely want to?
Or:
Am I using this because I don't want to feel what I'm feeling?
That small distinction can tell you a lot.
So Should You Just Sit With Every Uncomfortable Feeling?
No.
This is an important distinction.
Tolerating discomfort does not mean tolerating harm.
If you're in an unsafe relationship, experiencing abuse, or dealing with a genuinely dangerous situation, leaving or seeking help isn't “avoidance.”
And if you're experiencing severe anxiety, depression, trauma symptoms, or another mental-health concern, you don't need to handle everything on your own.
The point isn't: “Never avoid anything.”
The point is: “Notice when avoidance has become your automatic response.”
Sometimes the healthiest choice is to walk away.
Sometimes the healthiest choice is to stay and work through the discomfort.
Learning to tell the difference is part of emotional awareness.
Try the 90-Second Pause
The next time you notice yourself reaching for your phone, canceling a plan, avoiding a conversation, or distracting yourself from an uncomfortable thought, try something different.
Pause for 90 seconds.
You don't have to fix anything.
You don't have to make the feeling disappear.
Just notice it.
Ask yourself:
What am I feeling?
Maybe it's anxiety.
Maybe it's boredom.
Maybe it's loneliness.
Maybe it's uncertainty.
Maybe it's embarrassment.
Maybe it's sadness.
Then ask:
Where do I feel it?
Notice what is happening physically.
Is your chest tight?
Is your stomach tense?
Are your shoulders raised?
Is your mind racing?
Then ask:
What am I trying not to feel?
You may not have an immediate answer.
That's okay.
The point isn't to solve your emotions in 90 seconds.
The point is to create space between the feeling and the reaction.
Instead of: Feeling → Immediate escape
you create: Feeling → Pause → Choice
That pause can be powerful.
Discomfort Is Part of a Meaningful Life
A completely comfortable life might sound appealing.
But think about many of the things people value most:
Relationships.
Career growth.
Creativity.
Learning.
Friendship.
Personal change.
Almost all of them involve some amount of discomfort.
You will have difficult conversations.
You will sometimes feel embarrassed.
You will experience uncertainty.
You will make mistakes.
You will experience loss.
You will sometimes be bored.
A meaningful life isn't necessarily one where you feel comfortable all the time.
It's one where discomfort doesn't automatically dictate your choices.
This is one of the central ideas behind Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT.
As Psychology Today explains in its recent discussion of experiential avoidance, ACT recognizes that “difficulty is part of a life worth living.”
That doesn't mean suffering is good.
It means that trying to eliminate every uncomfortable thought or feeling can sometimes keep us from doing the things that matter to us.
You might avoid dating because rejection feels uncomfortable.
You might avoid asking for a promotion because uncertainty feels uncomfortable.
You might avoid calling a friend because you've been distant and don't know what to say.
You might avoid starting therapy because talking about what you're experiencing feels uncomfortable.
But discomfort isn't always evidence that something is wrong.
Sometimes it's evidence that something matters.
When Avoidance Starts Getting in the Way
Everyone avoids things sometimes.
But if avoidance is consistently interfering with your relationships, work, school, responsibilities, or ability to participate in life, it may be worth talking with a mental-health professional.
The National Institute of Mental Health notes that occasional anxiety is a normal part of life. However, anxiety disorders involve symptoms that persist or worsen and can interfere with everyday functioning.
You don't have to wait until things become overwhelming to seek support.
Therapy isn't about eliminating every uncomfortable feeling.
It's about developing the tools to understand what's happening, respond differently, and move toward the life you want to live.
A Final Thought
We're living in a time when almost any uncomfortable moment can be interrupted.
A notification.
A video.
A search.
A conversation.
An AI tool.
A distraction.
Sometimes that's useful.
Sometimes it's exactly what we need.
But occasionally, the healthiest thing we can do is not immediately make the feeling go away.
Pause.
Notice.
Breathe.
Ask yourself what you're actually experiencing.
And then decide what comes next.
Because the goal isn't a life without discomfort.
It's a life where discomfort doesn't control you.
Find the Right Level of Support
If anxiety, avoidance, substance use, or other mental-health challenges are beginning to interfere with your everyday life, you don't have to navigate them alone. TRUE Counseling offers a range of support, including Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP), Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP), dual-diagnosis care, individual therapy, and group therapy, designed to meet people at different stages of their mental-health journey. Whether you need structured support or a space to work through challenges one-on-one or alongside others, our team can help you explore the level of care that fits your needs. Explore mental-health services at TRUE Counseling.